There once was a barber named Ware
Who was sadly allergic to hair.
When customers called,
Unless they were bald,
He would sneeze them right out of the chair.
Ogden Nash
There once was a silly young maid
Who ate only grape marmalade.
At one hundred and ten
She said with a grin,
“How nicely preserved I have stayed!”
Mark Twain was a noteworthy male
Whose narratives sparkle like ale.
And this Prince of the Grin
Who once fathered Huck Finn
Can still hold the world by the tale.
There was a young man of Bulgaria
Who once went to piss down an area.
Said Mary to cook
‘Oh, do come and look,
Have you ever seen anything hairier?’
1880
She’s called ‘The Professional Sinner’
Twenty bucks and she lets you get in her.
If given a fifty,
Things really get nifty.
Ten more and she’ll take you to dinner.
On Viagra was old Charlie Muldoon,
When he went on his fifth honeymoon.
Monday coffee was brewing
When he started in screwing
And he finished the Thursday at noon.
There was a young student of Yale
Who was getting his first piece of tail.
He shoved in his pole,
But in the wrong hole,
And a voice from beneath yelled: “No sale!”
There once was a laddie of Neep
Who demanded everything cheap.
When he wanted to screw
There was nothing to do
But take out his passion on sheep.
Haha! These are great!
Thanks! I’ve just got to figure out why the formatting got screwed up on here!!
That last one reminds me of that old joke – What’s the difference between the Rolling Stones and a Scotsman? One says “Hey, you, get offa my cloud” and the other says “Hey, McLeod, get offa my ewe!!”
I actually feel a little sad that I had never heard that before!!! Ha!!